Randomness...

[Waddle]

Ok, so today, I was walking down the street, wearing a cloak similar to the one of Severus Snape.

I had forgotten to take a bath, because I had been out late the night before, partying.

So, I was eating a McDonald's s sandwich.

And, suddenly, some giant shampoo bottle hurtled from around a corner and shouted "GET BACK HERE, SNIVELLUS!"

So I dropped my sandwich and it fell down a gutter and grabbed my wand and shouted "AVADA KEDAVRA!"

They dropped dead, instantly.

I ran up to them, and took the top of the shampoo bottle off their head.

Turns out, it was James Potter.

[Anty]

So I threw a party in celebration. And guess who was there?

No, not Santa. But Lily Potter. If the death of her husband was to slip, I'd be dead. So what did I do?

I got out my AK47 and shot her in the head. Yes, I killed Lily Potter. So what did I do after that? I stripped down the highway screaming, "I KILLED THE POTTERSES! I KILLED THEM! YES I DID!"

[Waddle]

But then, I figured out they had a son.

I set out in search to find the little idiot.

After searching for months, I found him while in the restroom at a gas station.

He had his head in the toilet, and as I approached, he looked up and said "I thought I saw something shiny!"

Apparently, Voldemort had already cursed Harry Potter with A.D.H.D., the most dangerous disorder a wizard can have.

I sighed, even as Harry looked back into the toilet and exclaimed "Oh! Cranberries!" and dove his head back under.

So I flushed the toilet repeatedly.

Yes... I drowned Harry Potter in a toilet full of shiny things and cranberries.

[Anty]

But what was I to do with all the bodies?

I couldn't leave them there. Could I?

No.

Leave them as food for the vultures? No.

And then next thing I knew, it was my mother's birthday! I hadn't bought her anything... With all this killing there was no time for it.

But I couldn't leave her giftless...

So what do I do?

You wanna know? You really wanna know?

I send her the three dead Potter bodies through the mail, yes through the mail.

How did I fit them in there I chopped them up into little pieces.